summer? summer?!

summer has been interesting. and when i mean interesting i mean textbook boring but very interesting to me. after i came home i studied for my MCAT and then after the test i decided to take a break that has now extended into a super long one month break. during the break, i would look for a job but couldn't find anything because for some reason im having a really hard time figuring out what i want to do. these last few weeks i realized that when im at school i operate like a bullet train just moving towards an end destination and a lot of what i do i just do to make the wheels turn so i do all this stuff without really thinking about what im doing and why im doing it. maybe im just trying to keep myself busy so i think im doing work.

after my MCAT i just felt so burnt out. so tired of working all the time and feeling like i had so many demands to meet. i think ive been focused on working hard and giving effort which of course counts but i also need to learn how to work smarter so there is a little more effortful production on my part. this is something im going to work on next year, starting now? and hopefully i wont feel as burnt out anymore.

i think all this self reflection actually came from working on my med school app and trying to look for a job. this summer i couldnt decide on a job because i was and still am so worried about how it might affect my admissions to medical school. i originally wanted to do something fun this summer but i worry because this is the last summer before i apply to medical school so i wanted to do something that will count and something that will be phenom for my app but i havent thought of any that i really want to do, that i feel wont be like what ive done before yet ill also like. and then i get stuck not sure about what to do again. and then i begin to worry about whether or not im ready for medical school. should i be applying? is being a doctor the right thing for me? gahhhhhh and now im back to square one. maybe i just need to stop thinking. go out some more.

but no worries ;) i promise my entire summer wont be like this im just going through a little phase. all this thinking also gets me thinking about how its our last year :O i want to do tons of amazing things next year you guys heard?!?!!!

miss you guys. i know it's only the end of june but i kind of miss school already and can't wait for us to all live near each other and all that jazz! i hope youre all having FANTASMIC summers!